Pulp Sport across the ditch

As part of filming for the upcoming series, we took a jaunt to Melbourne earlier this week to stick it to the Aussies.

DAY ONE
We arrive in Melbourne, pick up our luxury rental vehicle, similar to the mighty Remuera tractor and head for our accommodation in St Kilda. Our Production Manager has booked us into what he thought was some high quality yet very affordable accommodation. High quality it was not. A small room with 2 prison style bunks, mattresses that had been pounded by all in sundry, busted bed springs, stained bedding... Need I say more. Checking out of this joint was immediately mooted. However, we decided to stay at least one night and revaluate in the morning. We feel the only way to make our stay bearable is to sink several schooners at a local watering hole.

DAY TWO
We wake, we check out explaining to the front desk that our schedule has changed and we're heading out of town. After brekkie at a local café, we take a stroll of St Kilda, brainstorm some ideas and scope out potential locations for filming over the next few days. The afternoon rolls around and we are in the suburb of Praham dressed as horses running in our very own Melbourne Cup. We also manage to find a nice apartment to stay at for the next two nights which we are all much happier about. TV3 has hooked us up with tickets to see Rove live. We're rather excited to be part of the studio audience. We cheer, laugh and clap our hands raw. Take that McManus!

DAY THREE
Tension is running high. We gear up to shoot a Sporting Hell segement. Ben loses another coin toss. Dressed in New Zealand supporters kit and wearing a large “Aussie Doesn’t Rule” sign around his neck, we take him to an Aussie Rules game at the MCG. As expected, there's plenty of verbal abuse and "sheep shagger" comments. Security move him from the concorse and tell him to take his protest to the road outside. After plenty more abuse, Bill decides he needs a further change in scenery and takes him sight seeing round Melbourne town. At the end of a days filming, we couldn’t be more rock ‘n roll. It’s a quiet tipple and a game of high stakes UNO. What a bunch of soft cocks!

DAY FOUR
Our last day in Melbourne sees us feeling the pinch of a little too much Wild Turkey from last nights UNO drinking games. Like the true professionals we are, we pull it together enough and manage to dress up in Aussie Rules kit and play a prank on an unsuspecting person walking a dog. We have a few spare hours to do some shopping – Yay! Late afternoon, we make our way to the airport only to find our flight has been delayed. We kill several hours by seeing what more we can buy from Duty Free, playing video games, checking emails and eating lollies and talking shit. Finally, we board and are bound for home with an arrival time of 4am. Who do the airline think we are? Some kind of nocturnal creature?